Monday, February 15, 2010

A Fairytale for the Hopeless

If life’s supposed to be a fairytale; where was her happily ever after? Chloe let the hot tears fall down her face. He wasn’t ever coming back, he was dead and that was final. He hadn’t deserved death; if he had he wouldn’t have died at seventeen.

He had been Chloe’s best friend, big brother, enemy and the one she poured it all out to. They were one in the same. They fought because of their similarities. The only differences between Bentley and Chloe were size, gender and age. They had the same likes and character. The sad part was HAD.


“Are you okay?” Chloe lowered her eyebrows and continued to look at her knees. A shaking body and tears; was that even worthy of those three words? She wiped her eyes yet the tears were too fast to stop. She gave up and looked up to find the most beautiful, caring face ever. Her eyes were practically pulled to his. Behind his pure brown eyes was sincerity to his question. She quickly looked away and attempted to dry the tears.

She gulped and began to reply, “I don’t believe I know you?”

“U.S. History class, Presley Baker. I was a good friend of your brother.” His last sentence had been said in a shaky voice that brought her comfort. At least he knew the basis o her tears. Her eyes were still focused on his but they began to blur so she blinked and yawned to clear them. When she opened them he had sat down next to her and his hand was on her shoulder. She couldn’t feel his hand because of her shaking but she could tell they were strong by one look.

“Ohhh, may I ask as to why you are talking to me, not trying to be rude. I really appreciate it.”

“Well for one I hate to see a beautiful girl cry and I see the look behind your eyes. They used to be so clear and happy. Now they hold a mystery. They are clouded and troubled. I want to bring that happiness back to you. I know I can’t replace Bentley but I can be a friend and maybe even more later on.”

“I’d like that. I can’t promise to be a very good a friend although.” It felt as if she was smiling but she could tell by his face that she was still crying.

“I am sure you’d be a great friend…”

“I’m not so sure, after losing my best one…” The tears began to fall again and he put his hand around her waist. Chloe cried harder and leaned closer to him and felt him begin to cry. She didn’t protest him holding her. They both needed comfort after all. A little happiness couldn’t hurt.


Chloe now stared at the ceiling of her room: a room next to Bentley’s. His room was where she went at night when she lies awake from the tears. His bed, she could fall asleep in. Hers wasn’t comforting enough. His made everything feel so normal. She’d slept in his bed when he was away. Every memory flooded back now; the beach trips, the family events, staying up late to play wii, even mountain trips with him. Even his laughter rang in her ears. Every tear she’d shed for him numbed her a little more. Pictures o him hung in her room. It was her way to say she’d never forget him. It seemed as if everyone else had; except for her, Presley, and her family. Then again the tears blocked her from noticing anyone at her school; until today. It had only been a week; she didn’t understand how they could forget. Classes were no problem for her; she could control her tears there, at least enough to still make A’s and B’s. It was a result of her teachers’ pity mostly.

Bentley and Chloe hadn’t always been best friends. They’d once barely even spoken. Actually Chloe had stayed in her room and him in his. They’d barely associated. It had stayed that way until their parents divorce. They’d become friends after that, they’d gone from one extreme to the other; enemies to best friends. Now he was gone. She had no clue how to deal with any o this. Chloe also knew that she couldn’t let Presley get too close. If she lost him, she’d be far beyond lost.


Late that night Chloe sat in her floor, hand around her knees, gulping back the tears. Her wonderful brother had been killed instantly. Nobody had killed, nor had he killed himself. Some metal, some tires and energy had. The impact of the car to the tree had caused him to die. He died in the place of something else. He’d swerved to miss a deer. A DEER! He’d always loved animals. To a point where he’d died for one; of all the ones he’d killed, he’d chosen to die for one! If she was being honest, she was angry with Bentley. How could he do this? She’d heard that a deer could tear up someone’s car. WHO CARED?! IF IT’D MEAN HE’D STILL BE ALIVE! Chloe battled with the anger and once again let the hot tears all for about an hour. Then she broke down and lay on her cold floor, closing her wearing, burning eyes.


The light gave her a headache as soon as she opened her eyes. She began to sit up until a sharp pain in her back pulled her back down. “Ouch! Why did I fall asleep here?!” She rolled her eyes and laid there until she was bored, which didn’t take long. She stood to her feet slowly feeling the physical pain spread. She grabbed her phone and checked her messages. She saw one from a number she didn’t know. She opened it an all it said was ‘Hey how are you today? This is presley.’ A smile came to her face and she replied. ‘how’d u get my #?’ Chloe waited nearly five minutes with no reply.

She layed down on her bed and grabbed a framed picture of Bentley. His blue eyes held so much innocence. His light brown hair, that he’d cared so little about, laid perfect. It was a perfect cut for his face. ‘How can he be gone?!?’ her thoughts screamed for an answer, yet there was only a buzzing. “MY PHONE!” Chloe screamed in a whisper. It was Presley again, a smile spread across her dead face. It read, ‘ 2 be honest, I stole it from your bro’s fone awhile back so I culd get 2 kno u cept I didn’t have the courage until I saw u hurtn.’ Despite the pain she felt; her face still held a smile. She was biting her lip gently now.

‘(: I’m gud, u?’ she replied carefully.

The reply came quickly this time. ‘nt tru. U r terribly lost in all this. U need to cheer up. I am here if u wanna talk. I want to cheer you up. Wuld u like to share how I can do tht?’

Chloe stopped in mid- thought. She no longer knew how for someone to cheer her up. ‘u already do that, without trying. I haven’t smiled since he died but I smiled as soon as I received ur txt this mornin. i didn’t even hav 2 try either. The smile just came. Thank you so much’

His next reply brought another smile. ‘Oh how I wish I culd c tht smile again. Everytime I saw u smile before it made me smile. I wish I could bring full happiness 2 u but I kno I can’t and I’m sorry. There’s a lot of things I wish I could do/ ask but I kno I can’t’

She replied as carefully as possible, ‘ ask away… you make me smile so hard, there’s a few things I wish I could say to you also.’

‘Would you like to be my girlfriend?’

A huge smile spread across her face once again. It was almost like he made her feel like she was someone again. She didn’t think about her brother near as much with Presley texting her. She had someone else to care about. ‘I’d love to be,’ after she sent the text she felt doubts fill her mind. Maybe he was just asking because he felt bad for her. It seemed like he was going to be her prince charming but didn’t prince charming usually mess up in all the stories?

She waited patiently for his reply. When it came her heart skipped a beat. ‘YES! You have no clue how long I have waited for this day, to be able to ask you that. I understand that you are hurting altho. I’ll try to ease that some, I’ll try as hard as I can. wht did u want to say’

‘r u sure u rn’t just askin’ tht cuz u feel bad for me? I feel lyk ur the prince charming I hav waitn for all of my life, I am aware how lame tht sounds but u askd.’

‘no of course not, I rly like u. I dn’t find it lame, I find it sweet, it sure made me smile anyway. I am sorry my wonderful girlfriend but i betr go. Cya at skool Monday.’

‘buhbye. Cya.’ Chloe couldn’t believe she’d barely thought bout Bentley the whole time she talked to Presley. She truly cared about Presley but she felt as if she wasn’t good enough for him and didn’t even deserve to be his girlfriend.


Monday came around and Chloe was actually excited to face the day. She got ready carefully; making sure her appearance was as near perfect as could be. She wanted to impress Presley. After the hour or so of primping, Chloe set out for school. When she arrived she glanced in the small car mirror and checked her appearance. Her eyeliner was a tad messed up. She’d run to the bathroom as soon as she entered the building. That went as planned and she touched up her eyeliner and removed the excess. She was ready to find Presley now.

The bell rang and she realized it was time to go to her locker and grab her stuff before her first class; U.S. History. She smiled wide and picked up the pace. Usually this class brought tears. History had been Bentley’s favorite subject. Now it brought a smile because that was where she’d see Presley. She had fallen head over heels over him, it was official. As she entered the classroom she scanned it for Presley. She saw him and there was a vacant seat next to him. She bee-lined to it and sat down avoiding the looks; a freshman girl sitting next to a junior boy was almost crazy. She didn’t care. “Hey, how are you?” he said when he noticed her presence.

“Pretty good, you?”

“I’m all right,” He said softly. Chloe didn’t know him totally well but she could tell by him voice that the all right really meant horrible.

She looked at him, eyes narrowed, trying to figure him out, “ I don’t think so, what is wrong?”

“Well, I have a huge decision to make…”

“You don’t have to share or anything, but what would that decision be?”

“My parents are divorced. My dad wants custody now, so it’s up to me as to whom I live with. I can’t really choose because I love them both. But my dad wants full custody and mom is leaving it all up to me. I’d have so many opportunities in the sport region of life is lived with him. He’s a coach for a MLB team.”

“That’s awesome! I don’t get it although, how is that a huge decision, seems pretty easy to me.”

“My dad lives in New Jersey and travels a lot.”

“NEW JERSEY?!?!?! This has all of a sudden become a huge decision!”

“Thank you! Now you know how I feel. What should I do?”

“Who am I to tell you what to do? We basically just became friends.”

“If I move, we’ll never see each other again and even though we just met, you are my best friend.” A smile overcame Chloe’s face.

“You are my best friend also; you have helped me so much. I really didn’t know how to live without my brother until you came along.”

“Well thanks that helped me a lot. I really want someone to just tell me what to do. How can I leave you now that you said you couldn’t survive without your brother?” How could I leave you, alone, to fend for yourself? Why’d you say all of that? Sheesh.”

“I AM SO SORRY. I didn’t mean to influence your decision. I was trying not to. Trust me, I want you to be happy and want you to do what you want to do, not as I say. Yes you are my best friend but I know it’s possible to survive without Bentley now. Thanks to you."

A Slave To The Best

Owen’s thoughts held him captive, as if there was a physical force pinning him to a wall, against his very being. This was a secret side of him, a battle. If you stared into his golden brown eyes you’d never comprehend that he had a battle, a battle he shouldn’t have to struggle with. He strived to be the best, to top them all and to stand out. In his mind he was never able to obtain that. Each failure pushed his goal farther away, unreachable.

He had always wished to be the best, to have the top grades, to have the best looks, to have the perfect family; the best of everything. Yet his own self was the reason he couldn’t be the best. His best was shy of what he wished for. The harder he would try, the worse he did. When he slaved over his homework for hours, the grade came up shy of perfect and he got angry with himself and the teacher. Owen made good grades, he was actually very smart yet he wasn’t the best so he wasn’t satisfied. He was always looking toward the future, imagining the best. He always had the best job, the perfect wife, the best friends and even the best life. He was a role model, his friends kids looked up to him and his friends came to him when they were upset. He was always happy and didn’t ever have problems. It was perfection.


It was Wednesday and he had just come from his favorite class, homework had been assigned and he had turned it in to be graded, he knew he hadn’t worked too hard on it, yet he figured he still deserved a good grade. The grade he had received was far from the best. He had made a 60. This would majorly affect his overall grade. This was the one class he needed for his career choice that of course, as a freshman, he had planned out. Maybe he was a little dramatic, but oh well; sometimes dramatic was the best choice. The best, that’s exactly what he needed to choose. To be the best of course you had to choose the best.

He felt awful, he hadn’t made the best choices today. He had been a jerk to his best friend, made a bad grade and said a lot of things he regretted. His best friend was of course “not mad” but deep down he knew that he was. He wasn’t sure how to bring up an apology in the best way. That was all his life revolved around, the best. One could probably say he was a slave, a slave to the best.

The school day had finally ended, after what seemed as forever! Now Owen lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, wishing to cry but knowing he couldn’t because he just couldn’t, that wouldn’t be the best choice. There was that word again, showing up in his mind. Why wouldn’t it ever go away! His life didn’t seem to be that great anymore, he remembered when he didn’t ever worry, just did and was satisfied. His mind now went back a few years, to about third grade. He was sitting in an assembly waiting to be called up for awards. His mom was a teacher so it was expected that he should be excited to receive recognition. “A,B Honor Roll!” He had put his hands on his seat ready to stand when it came around to his last name, he listened and listened. His name was never called. The tears began to pour down his face, he had seen his report card, and he knew he had A’s on it, now he wanted that award! That was when a strive of being the best began. His teacher had tried to comfort him telling him he’d really earned the A Honor Roll and that was better. She said it was coming up. Sure enough, the next awards called out were A Honor Roll, his named was called and a smile spread, he waltzed up and accepted the award, they pinned it on and he stood on stage all proud. He continued to strive for that award until sixth grade; his pride was crushed when he met the one teacher who absolutely disliked giving A’s. Two B’s in one quarter. Every quarter he received B’s from her and her only. The next few years he began making B’s again, he never enjoyed them. They would send a pain through his soul and made him disappointed. He wanted straight A’s. Even though he’d moved on from getting little ribbons, he still wanted to feel that sense of accomplishment. The need to be the best had grown since he was in third grade and now it took over his life.

The next day at school, he set out to do his best and be satisfied with it. That plan went down the drain as soon as he got a bad grade (in his mind) on an English assignment. This would be tough. He couldn’t explain this to his friends; they would see his as dramatic and dumb. He would work this out on his own, if only he knew how. A quote came to mind, “Being the best can enslave you. Being your best can set you free.”

“Hmmmmph….” He touched his chin and tapped, thinking about what that meant and why it even came to his mind. “THAT IS SO TRUE! I feel like a slave! I want to be free!” Six years of enslavement had been way too long, it was time to get the key to the handcuffs that he held back from himself; and to unpin himself, nail by nail he would pull out them and unlock the handcuffs. It was time to be the true him.